A struggle.

I've always been proud of my self-reliance and resilience. I think it is very important to be able to "make it on your own". When I was 19, I moved 1,700 miles away from home to attend a college I'd never visited, to a city I'd never been. I was very unsure how I would do without my parents (or any family) nearby, without a phone to contact them, or a computer to email them. But I did it. And it was one of the best experiences in my life.

A family friend bet that I'd move back home after graduating college. I knew differently. To make it (and save money), I lived in a trailer park that was condemned to be torn down (it is mostly gone now). Some friends laughed at me while others thought it was as fun. (Personally, I loved it).

Then I felt a "call" to leave my beloved city. I moved 1,000 miles north with some friends I had just met, to another unknown city, with no job prospects (but plenty of savings, thanks to cheap trailer rent). Within hours of arriving, I met my husband. I'd say it was a good move :)

My struggle is pride. Although I come from a financially successful (and very generous) family, I don't like asking for help. I feel uncomfortable receiving anything expensive, something that I didn't struggle, plan, or save for. I feel more pride showing off the fruits of my labor than standing next to something that I didn't work for. I get that from my dad.

My problem is pride. Now don't misunderstand me, I think it is good to feel pride after working for something, accomplishing something big. However, pride shouldn't morph into feelings of failure. Pride is a dangerous beast that I continue to wrestle.

This is my struggle.