My say in it all...

I grew up listening and dancing to Michael Jackson songs. I had the VH1 movie special recorded on a VHS tape. I loved Michael. He was a musical icon for 40+ years, people (and will always be)! He revolutionized pop music. He had no rival.

I don't know if he is guilty of the charges against him and it's not my business to know, I have no right or authority to judge; let his God judge him. What I do know is that his music will be his legacy. And love him or hate him, let him rest in peace. I, for one, will always be a fan.

Intense.

I have a very intense feeling that change is on its way for me and Brenden. Something good, something amazing, something life altering. It's such a strong sense, I can almost smell it. I feel wrapped in it. Life is amazing.

Pictures.

I half heartily wish I took more pictures. I think it'd make my blog more interesting and I love pictures in general. But when the opportunity arises, camera in hand, I don't snap as many as I feel like I should. I feel a sort of awkwardness around cameras. It seems like the best way to defuse a natural situation, "say cheese"! And even though a part of me wishes I had more pictures to share, to show off, I like leaving it natural and recalling the smile, the laughter, the situation through my memory and my imagination.

Having said that, I will now post pictures of my camping trip.

Thankyouverymuch.

60 years. Wow.

Happy anniversary to my grandparents, Anna and Mac Howard

Engagement picture, circa 1949

Meet Bandit.

Meet the newest member of our little family, Bandit. He is a 6 week old Boston Terrier and he is just so sweet. He and Brenden are the best of buddies already.

Family History

King James Stuart I

My grandfather loves to research our family history and our genealogy. He has found some interesting stuff! Apparently, I am a direct line of the Stuart royal family (my great grandmother's maiden name was Stuart). The two most famous Stuarts are Queen Mary of Scots and King James Stuart (made famous by the King James version of the Bible). Queen Mary of Scots was also known for her animosity towards the English royals. Ironically, my dad's side has a lot of English royal blood in it. No wonder my parents are divorced!

Queen Mary

Seems like red hair runs deep in my family!

Conflicted.

I am very conflicted. I feel torn between two different states: Iowa vs Oregon. I don't know what to do. On one hand, I want to be near my family. We are all very close. My siblings and I are all close in age and life situation. My sister is expecting her first baby and it pains me to think I will be the aunt out in Oregon that rarely visits but sends cool gifts every now and again. I remember my own absent aunts, I really don't want to be that but I don't see how it is unavoidable. Another point is that Iowa is so affordable. There is no question on whether we could afford a home. But Iowa is flat. Iowa is boring. And there is not a hint of an ocean nearby.

While Iowa is so affordable, Oregon is beautiful. And much of our dreams involve the area here (camping, hiking, going to the coast). I am starting to appreciate Oregon more and more: the greenery, the earth conscience culture, the outdoor activities. Oregon life is so much apart of our life. All my in-laws live in Oregon. And Brenden's never lived anywhere else. We really like it here. My first little niece Makayla is here. And while Brenden's siblings get older, I feel like we can connect to them better. I wouldn't want to miss out on any of their lives or have them miss out on ours.

No matter what we decide, somebody will be left out. Somebody will miss out on their grandchildren's everyday life. Somebody will miss us. Somebody already misses us. Oh gosh, this is such a conflict in my heart.

Can I just move everybody to the same town?

Bread!

As an attempt to cut our grocery bill and eat more homemade foods, I've started making our own bread (although some would say this is a sure way to get fat...). I came up with a very easy recipe. No bread machine needed. No kneading dough. All you need is 20 hrs to let the bread set and rise. I am very proud of myself! And the cost of making this bread is SO MUCH LOWER than store bought bread. And it's much tastier.

Paintings.

After the horrible incident, I hid myself in painting, something I'd never done but always wanted to try. Needless to say, it was very therapeutic. I mainly painted color, paintings that made sense to me and probably nobody else. When I moved to Portland, I gave them to my friend Sarah (who moved into my trailer after me). When I visited her a couple weekends ago, I was delighted to see them hanging on her entry way wall! They brought back so many memories and a strong sense of accomplishment (not only in the paintings themselves but in my life and in my healing).

I am getting back into painting. But this time, instead of using painting as a form of therapy, it is my form of rejoicing!